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  • Additya Kashyap

Loneliness or Solitude – Its’ OUR Choice

If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. We may have come across this line in our lives but didn’t try to understand it. Why do we feel lonely? Let’s discuss this by diving deep into the situation. What do we do when we are alone? What does anyone do when we are not doing anything? We think… Isn’t it… And what do we think… We usually think about the past (and most of the times those moments which are not so good) or become anxious thinking about our future.


Let’s talk about our thoughts on our past experiences / incidents. Why do we always think about our fears or sad moments, bad incidents / experiences?


Let me share a joke – “Before going to a seminar I was discussing my talk with my wife and she said to me: ‘Don’t try to be too charming, too witty or too intellectual. Just be yourself.”


Did it bring a smile on your face?


Now read it again… May be some of you will still smile.


Please read it once again (Please)… Not interesting anymore?


Last time… I promise… Last read… Now you must be thinking I have gone crazy…


Tell me, if you can’t smile on the same joke more than once, why is it that we keep crying on the same past incident again and again. Yes, it happened… wasn’t good… we were in pain because of that… but it has happened. You can’t go in the past and change it. You can only remember the lesson from that incident. During our school days, we use to learn our lessons and in our exams, we will write it against the respective question. We did not keep thinking about all the answers. We learnt it, we knew it and we would write it when the question is asked. Life is similar. It is a set of answers / lessons that we learn while living it and apply whenever the question (situation) is repeated. We are not required to keep thinking about it and feel bad each time. Can I please request you to stop thinking about the past… Please… If you still can’t, please think only those moments that bring smile on your face. All happy moments, your achievements, compliments that you have received, success. Best is to write it down, either in a diary that you always carry with you or on your mobile phone. Just a glance on this list of happy moments will make you smile.


About the future. Why are we anxious? Is it because of our insecurities? What if it doesn’t go as per our plan? What if we fail? What if someone leaves us? All these unanswered questions makes us anxious about our future. Ask yourself – all these doubts, these questions which make us uncomfortable / worried, what can we do about it.


Imagine if nothing ever changed, if everything happens as per our plans, if we could predict the future, life will be very boring. We have to accept that life is full of uncertainties, to the very point that we are never sure if we will be there tomorrow – alive.


While we are making plans, life happens…


In all of this thinking process, of past and future, we ignore the most important fact, the present. So when we are alone, instead of thinking about our past or future, why can’t we focus on present. The best way to do so, it to OBSERVE. Observe what’s around you, observe what you have right now, be thankful of everyone and everything that you currently have.


To stop our mind from thinking (of course about the past and the future), first thing we need to do is to be aware of it. We have to train ourselves to become observant of our thinking style and pattern. Once aware, we can then questions ourselves if we can do something about it. If the answer is yes, please do it; and if the answer is no, stop thinking about it. Look around, you will find many reasons to smile, be grateful, acknowledge, accept, honour, be proud of; there are many things you have dreamt of in the past and you have it right now.


Please read the dictionary meaning of Solitude – Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.


Wish you success, happiness and joy in life.



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